Conversely, if you accidentally say or do something that a member of a group finds offensive, but harbour no dislike or ill will on the basis of group membership, then you are not a bigot, even if you have said something clumsy or insensitive for which an apology is appropriate. A faux pas does not make someone an evil person or an aggressor.

From: The Coddling of the American Mind
By: Greg Lukianoff   Jonathan Haidt